


The Edge of Tonight

by stars28



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 10:05:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14616047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars28/pseuds/stars28
Summary: Alex is eating less and less each day. This, combined with the extra exercise he's been doing, causes weight to just drop off him. It's great.And worrying for Jack, who notices.





	The Edge of Tonight

_“You keep me alive,_  
_On the edge of tonight,_  
_Chasing tomorrow,_  
_With fire in my eyes…”_  
**\- The Edge of Tonight, All Time Low.**

* * *

Week One.  
  
During this week, Jack notices that Alex’s…for lack of better word, avoidance of food. Apart from at breakfast; Alex will have a small bowl of cereal and an apple.  
  
Over the following seven days, Jack notices some changes in Alex’s diet. Nothing startling, just that his best friend is cutting down the amount of junk food he eats. Which, Jack admits, he admires the elder for. When they’re on tour, it’s almost impossible to avoid fast food – with the band and the crew combined, they make up about fifteen hungry men, and takeout is the easiest option.  
  
Week Two.  
  
The second week brings a definite change in Alex’s eating habits. Not that Jack is paying attention or anything. Obviously not. He would never do that. (He was totally doing that.)  
  
Jack does notice that when they eat together – band and crew – Alex makes excuses.  
  
“Oh, I’ve already eaten.”  
  
“I’ve had a big breakfast.”  
  
“I’m not hungry.”  
  
“I’ll eat in a bit.”  
  
“I don’t feel like pizza.”  
  
Jack doesn’t know what to make of Alex’s sudden pickiness over what he eats. It hurts his head to think about it, but Alex is his best friend – someone has to worry about him.  
  
Week Three.  
  
For once, Jack is up before noon. Doesn’t mean he’s fully awake though.  
  
So when he sees Alex, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, come through the door, he isn’t sure if he’s asleep and dreaming.  
  
“Hey Alex,” He says, raising a hand in greeting, “Since when did you jog?”  
  
“You need a reason to be healthy!?” Alex snaps, marching past Jack’s place on the sofa to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water before disappearing into the bunk area.  
  
“What the fuck?” Jack says quietly.  
  
Jack mused silently that Alex has never been a runner – in his knowledge anyway. Nor does Alex usually take a joke so seriously. Something is up, and Jack has no idea what it is.  
  
Week Four.  
  
As Jack enters the kitchen, he yawns widely. He’s tired, it’s one of the downsides to doing a show every night and then partying until the early hours of the morning. Ah well, if this is price he pays for being in a band, he’ll take it.  
  
He slumps in the chair, saying, “Morning Alex.”  
  
Jack watches through half-closed eyes as Alex rifles through the kitchen cupboards for…something. Alex doesn’t answer. Jack frowns.  
  
“Whatcha lookin’ for?” He asks, blinking slowly.  
  
“Er… Nothing?” Alex says quickly. Too quickly.  
  
“That’s bullshit, and you know it,” Jack responds, without moving from his place in his chair, and he knows instinctively – even half-asleep – that Alex is lying to him, “Now, you wanna tell me the real reason?”  
  
Though it’s posed as a question, Jack knows that it isn’t, and he waits patiently for Alex to answer. The kitchen is quiet apart from Alex rustling through the packets and their breathing. The silence isn’t oppressing; it isn’t burning into Jack’s every thought. It’s comforting in the way that only best friends can be. Eventually though, Alex answers, his voice low and tentative, like he expects Jack to ignore him.  
  
“I’m – I’m looking at the back of the food,” Alex takes a breath, and Jack watches absentmindedly as his throat moves, “For the calories, I mean.”  
  
Jack doesn’t say anything for a long moment, during which he can practically see the sweat that forms on his best friend’s forehead. Then, after thinking carefully, he says, “Ok.”  
  
“Ok?” Alex echoes, almost like he’s shocked and unable to believe Jack’s simple acceptance.  
  
Jack nods, saying, “Yeah, ok,” despite the way his brain is reeling from shock and trying to figure out what this was about.  
  
Because, he is sure, Alex wasn’t like this before. Before _what_ he isn’t sure, but he is completely sure that Alex never used to act like this.  
  
Week Five.  
  
Jack realises that Alex is very defensive when they are trying to decide what to eat. But Jack can’t remember when this behaviour began, but it has.  
  
“Hey Alex.” He says, following the other man into the bunk area.  
  
“Yeah?” Alex replies, not looking at Jack.  
  
Jack frowns – it seems like all he does these days is frown in relation to Alex – and asks, as gently as he can, “What’s up?”  
  
“What has something got to be wrong with me?! Can’t I just not be hungry?” Alex snaps, twisting his fingers into his hoodie.  
  
“I suppose so…” Jack says, but mentally adds, ‘but not for four weeks.’  
  
As Jack turns to leave, he notices that Alex has no less than three layers of clothes on, not including his hoodie.  
  
Strange, Jack thinks, walking back to the rest of the band and crew, it’s not exactly cold, but each to their own.  
  
Week Six.  
  
“Fuck, that was a good show!” Alex says, bouncing on his heels.  
  
Jack barely lifts his head from the sofa back, tired out from both the show and the late night he’d had the night before.  
  
Alex, he observes with a wry smile, is as energetic as though he’s just gotten up to face the day.  
  
“It was.” He agrees, wondering idly why Alex is so active if he isn’t eating as much as the rest of them. Jack also realises in that moment, squinting at his best friend through tired eyes, that Alex’s t-shirt looks baggy on him, like he’s raided someone’s wardrobe and only found their massive t-shirt.  
Jack decides that his mind is playing tricks on him, and succumbs to the tiredness sweeping over him.  
  
Week Seven.  
  
Who the fuck is up at… Jack squint at his too-bright phone screen in the semi-darkness of his bunk… six in the morning?  
  
He slowly gets out of his bunk. He’s awake now, and he knows there’s no way in hell he’s going to go back to sleep, even if it does leave him feeling like crap later on.  
  
“Alex?” He whisper-yells, not wanting to wake anyone else up.  
  
Alex’s eyes widen, almost comically if it weren’t for his position rummaging through the fridge.  
  
“What you lookin’ for?” Jack asks, slumping into a free chair.  
  
Alex’s voice is whisper quiet when he answers, “An apple.”  
  
Jack _really_ looks at his best friend then, taking in the gaunt look to his face, and the way Alex’s clothes don’t fit. He also takes note of the running gear Alex is wearing, and the water bottle on the side.  
  
“You’ve been running.” Jack states after a moments quiet contemplation, “You need more than an apple.”  
  
But Alex shakes his head, saying quietly, “No, no, I can’t.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because I’ll be… be… f-fat…” Alex says, “And I can’t be fat.”  
  
With his apple in one hand, and water bottle in the other, Alex exits the kitchen, leaving Jack feeling as though he’s just got a clue to a puzzle he didn’t even know he was solving until that moment.  
  
Week Eight.  
  
Jack is on the internet when he knows he should be asleep. He doesn’t care though, he is on a website that is showing him some of the things Alex does.  
  
Humming thoughtfully, he slides his finger down the screen of his phone, scrolling down the webpage. As he reads, he can hear the low breathing of Alex in the bunk across from him.  
His eyes widen involuntarily when he reaches the bottom. Shit. This can’t be true, it _can’t_ be.  
Alex can’t have anorexia.  
  
But, the more Jack thinks about it, the more it makes sense. The shifts in mood, the extra layers of clothing, the lack of eating.  
  
It makes sense – Alex has anorexia.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
Week Nine.  
  
“Alex,” Jack says, as he walks towards the other man, “We need to talk.”  
  
Alex smiles, “Oh yeah? About what?”  
  
“The way you’re not eating properly, exercising too much, wearing far too many clothes, and the way you’re constantly making excuses not to eat,” Jack replies without taking a breath, “We defiantly need to talk.”  
  
Jack almost doesn’t see how wide Alex’s brown eyes do, but he glances at them as Alex turns towards the door to the bunks, and he notices that they are wider than he’s ever seen them before. He thinks it’s because of the conversation topic, but he can’t find it in himself to feel guilty. Not when this fucking _needs_ to be talked about.  
  
When they’re both sitting on their respective bunks, Jack asks, “So, why’ve you all but stopped eating?”  
  
It’s silent for several long moments before Alex responds, his hand under his chin, “It’s cause…well didn’t I tell you the other morning?”  
  
Scratching his chin, Jack replies slowly, carefully, “You mean the thing about you seeing yourself as fat?”  
  
Alex nods, “And it’s not something I can stop, just turn off when I want. It’s always there, in the back of my mind.”  
  
“I think…” Jack says, watching Alex for any type of reaction, “That you have anorexia.”  
  
“I have what?”  
  
Jack pulls his phone out of his pocket, unlocks it, and gives it, open to the webpage he ready last night, to Alex.  
  
Alex reads through the information as Jack watches, silently hoping that Alex takes on board what he’s trying to say.  
  
When Alex looks back up at Jack, his eyes are wet with tears, and his voice breaks as he says, “J-Jack, you’re right. I need help.”  
  
Week Ten.  
  
“Shit! Alex!” Jack yells as his best friend goes down like someone bit him over the head, running towards him with arms outstretched in the hopes of catching him.  
  
He makes it over in time to grab Alex’s arms and lower him gently to the ground. Jack can feel his heart beating rapidly with anxiousness as Zack and Rian hover above him.  
  
“What the fuck?” Rian says, concerned.  
  
“Jack, what happened?” Zack asks, crouching next to Zack.  
  
Jack shakes his head, saying, “He’s not been eating enough. I fear this is a side effect. Fuck.”  
  
“I’ve noticed that.” Rian says, placing a hand on Jack’s shoulder.  
  
“Did you even _try_ to confront him about it?”  
  
“I…no.” Rian replies, “Look, he’s waking up.”  
  
Sure enough, when Jack looks back down at Alex, his brown eyes are opening blearily.  
  
“W-what happened?” Alex asks, looking up at Jack.  
  
“You fainted,” Zack replies, “And Jack was just informing us about your…eating problem, or rather, the lack of it.”  
  
With Jack’s help, Alex sits up slowly, blinking as the information sinks in.  
  
“You told them?!” Alex accuses, glaring.  
  
Jack shrugs, “It’s not like I had any choice; Rian already guessed.”  
  
“Fucking hell Jack, I was ok with having you know, but not everyone!” Alex says, standing up on unsteady legs, “I’m going to my bunk – don’t try to follow me Jack.”  
  
Jack watches as Alex leaves, and exhales softly, “Shit. I should’ve known he was gonna react like that.”  
  
“You couldn’t have known Jack.” Zack says, placing a comforting hand on Jack’s shoulder.  
  
Jack still feels sad, despite knowing that Zack is probably right.  
  
Week Eleven.  
  
“-ack, Jack, Jack.”  
  
Jack opens his eyes to find Alex crying next to his bunk. He sits up, being careful not to bang his head, saying quietly, “Alex, what’s wrong?”  
  
“Look – look at my hair…” Alex sobs, crawling into Jack’s bunk.  
  
Automatically, Jack pulls Alex closer so they’re hugging. It’s then when Jack notices what Alex is so upset about.  
  
His hair. A big chunk of it has come out.  
  
And all Jack can do is whisper reassurances that it will be ok.  
  
“Help me Jack.”  
  
Week Twelve.  
  
This is the week where Jack sees Alex go into hospital for treatment. There’s nothing more he, Rian and Zack can do be themselves. Alex needs professional help. He’s glad to see Alex finally get the help he so desperately needs, but it’s also difficult because they have to stop the tour, and that means telling the fans the true reason why.  
  
All Time Low can’t function without their singer.  
  
When Alex tweets the link that leads to the video he’s made explaining why the rest of their tour has been cancelled, Jack is sitting next to him and has a hand on his shoulder, as silent support.  
  
The day after, Alex goes to hospital.  
  
Jack can only hope that this will help him because he doesn’t want to lose his best friend.


End file.
